What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work!

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

What do cows wish each other during the holidays? Mooey Christmas.

What happens when a cow eats too much hay? it gets cownstapated.

What kitchen item do cows cook with? A range oven.

What kind of motorcycles to cows ride? Cowasaki

What did the prostitute cow say at Halloween? Trick or Teet

Who is a famous gangster cow? Al Cowpone

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

Why did the mama cow name the baby cow patty? Because she was a little sh*t.

What did the cow do when it had to hurry. It hoofed it.

How do cows do math? With a cowculator

What did the mom cow say to her son? Go to sleep, it is pasture bed time.

What is a cows favorite ice cream flavor - Blue Bell Moolenium

Where do cows go in France? To the Eifel Cower

What do you call a scared cow? A coward

What do cows have in their wallets? Moola and hopefully it is not a leather wallet.

What do you call a football player that lost the game? An utter dissappointment

What did the cool cow say - Hay Baby

Who discovered America - Christopher Cowlumbus

Did you hear the one about the sick dairy cow? He milked it for all it was worth.

What grade do good cows get? Grade A

Favorite football coach - Bill Cower

What do you call the butt on a milk cow? Dairy aire

What do you call a depressed cow - Bum Steer

What is your favorite dance? Moocaraina

What do you call bull strippers? - Cow Chipendales

What do you call a self help books for cows? Hamburger Helper

What do you call a cow that makes Swiss Cheese? Holy Cow

Why did the cow drop out of the race? He pulled his calf muscle.

Where do cows stay when they are traveling - Red Hoof Inn.

Why did the cow have a bad hair day? Too many cowlicks.

What is a cows favorite hair product? Moose

What do you call a cow that pulled a hamstring? Beef tenderloin

What do you call a British cow - Beef Wellington

What do you call a cow with no back legs? An utter drag

What do you call the black spots on cows? Holstains

What do gay cows eat? (must be done while snapping your finger) hay,hay,hay

What do get when you have a bull with no legs? Steering problems.

What do you call a group of mean steers? Bullies!

The wise old Mother Superior of the convent was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed, hoping to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk, but she refused it. As one nun returned the still full glass of milk to the kitchen, she remembered that the previous Christmas they had received a bottle of whiskey as a gift. She dumped out some milk, poured in a generous helping of the whiskey, and returned to Mother Superior's bedside. Mother took a little sip, then a little more, and soon polished off the whole glass."Mother," said the nuns, "give us some wisdom before you pass!" She looked up and said, "Don't sell that cow!"